Your first day at a new job, you clutch your handbag and hope to god you washed the toothpaste off the corner of your face. You start thinking about your previous work bestie and reminisce about the times she used to throw a kitkat over the filing cabinet, the singing of gangsta rap on the drive home and the comforting arm rub when you had some sort of work/PMT meltdown.
A smiley HR type introduces you to your team, they are pleasant but obviously giving you a look over trying to suss out what you are about. Then it happens, you hear somebody mutter a swear word, this girl just cut her finger trying to use a stapler, she pushes her glasses up her face and clearly forgets she’s at work whilst shouting profanities and raiding the first aid box.
I have hit the jackpot, hello my new work wife I am in love.
There is something so special about the people you spend roughly 40 hours of your week with normally making money for somebody else, or in my case trying to keep money to help other people.
These wives can tell your mood from ten paces away. You got stuck in traffic/had an argument with your partner or your washing machine was like Niagara falls-they are already across it and know exactly how to respond to this at 9am ,with a coffee run to discuss the first world problem disguised as a walking meeting-self-care people, self-care.
Work commands this weird etiquette where even though you really want to just launch your monitor across the room after sending your fifth ‘as per my last email ‘email with the loudest shellac typing noise heard from space, its sorta frowned upon and will lead to a lot of form filling. The great news is that your work wives often share the same issue and they will gladly nod in sympathy OR take it way too far and actually tell said person to ‘fuck off’- I can’t disclose where that happened.
After work drinks with work wives are par for the course, you can’t use the ENTIRE team meeting talking about how much of a shit your boyfriend is or how excellent the Mr G scene is when he hands in his resignation is a play by play of what you aspire too. Additionally, they will defend you if you are being accosted at the bar by a member of the opposite sex with so much gusto they wont dare to glance your way again.
I say a lot of this in jest, but realistically that bond is something you can’t replicate. The work stories, frustrations and triumphs can be shared with your partner, your mates and possibly an Uber driver (see after work drinks above) but nobody else quite gets it expect your work wives. So the next time you’re full of rage, are having the worst day at work and really just need a hug reach out to your work wives, that’s the one marriage that will allow you to keep all of your stuff when it ends ,and leave you with the most beautiful memories and friendships for the years to come.