Mile high manners

It’s  January, and the only way to make the month less shit besides filling your water dispenser up with mulled wine in the office is to book a holiday. Sun, sea, sex, far too many cocktails and a stench of after sun what more do you need for a relaxing well-earned break? Well I will tell you, you need the people on the plane next to you to have some bloody mile high manners. Continue reading “Mile high manners”

Last orders

My name is Vikki and I am not an alcoholic. However, recently life threw me a massive lemon and now I am no longer allowed to pair it with tequila.

It all started with a stomach ache, one bad enough to stop your Nutella addiction in its tracks. A few G.P.’s later this leads to seeing ‘Mr Specialist’. ‘Mr Specialist’ weighs me, I had lost a few kilos and secretly high-fived myself even though I knew this was a sign something was not right. The words ‘endoscopy’ and ‘colonoscopy’ get bandied about as if they were as common as a blood test. Well let me assure you, they’re not. They involve being off your face on anaesthetic and having cameras shoved down your throat and up your arse – super sexy stuff I know. Continue reading “Last orders”

8 brutally honest truths about moving to a new country

1. Don’t believe the hype

We need to talk about inspirational quotes. A  gorgeous girl or guy with a cute rucksack, nice pair of shorts as if they just walked out of a catalogue. If you decide to travel or move countries SPOILER ALERT you will not look like that you will look NOTHING like that. Stepping off a plane after spending a ridic amount of hours cramped next to strangers with questionable hygiene methods and watching re runs of shitty sitcoms with a dodgy gut does not result in a Victoria’s Secret model arrival. Truth be told you will smell like a toilet  , look like you just fell out of a bin and will have no fucking idea what time it is and spend the first ten minutes angry and bursting for a piss while you navigate where the toilet is. WELCOME! Continue reading “8 brutally honest truths about moving to a new country”

Embracing ‘girly-ness’ when you feel like a hot mess

The aroma of expensive perfume mixed with giddy screeching and some crappy pop song causes my senses to become a little all over the fucking place.

I take a deep breath then mutter, “I’ll just wait for you outside.” This is not return of the Mack, this is get the hell out of the MAC store. ASAP please.

As long as I can remember I have not been graceful in terms of make- up application, I was pretty happy smearing blue eyeshadow on with my fingers not giving two shits if it was even, shaded or even on my actual eyelids. I cannot get excited about shades of foundation because I can only wear one shade all year round. I’m pale, like the colour of freakin’ milk. I look like I’ve been on a three-day bender if I don’t wear mascara. I’m pretty much constantly struggling with the concept of being a “girly girl” but I do have a few hot tips for those fellow hot-messes out there that are struggling to get by and have no idea what the fuck a primer is. Continue reading “Embracing ‘girly-ness’ when you feel like a hot mess”