How not to be a dick during an pandemic and other things

1.Wash your hands and dont cough into peoples faces-that’s only cute when you are 3
2.Stay out of people’s way if you are sick,we have Netflix now there is no need to talk to anybody
3.Use this as a reason to tell that fuck boy what you really think of him nobody knows how this thing will end up so even if you survive he was a DICK ANYWAY
4.Shopping centres are full of people-order online and buy the stuff you have always lusted over-the time is now!
5.If you go on dates and it is going that bad you are practically snorting your drink,just throw in a few coughs and watch it come to its natural end
6.Stop buying all the fucking toilet roll-this isn’t like the time I went to Turkey with three pairs of knickers for ten days
7.If your relationship is going down the pan its probably best you sack them off otherwise you’ll be quarantined with a person you could murder for cooking potatoes wrong at some point
8.Actually prison may be one of the safest places to be right now? Crime does pay?
9.Stockpile the essentials by that I mean get into that snack aisle, Coles has two big bags of Malteasers for $7
10.Glen 20 your phone,not too much tho-exhibit A I can barely see what I am typing now,great time to break your phone
11.If you have been told not to go to work DONT GO. You know Debbie from accounts will kick your ass and you dont know who your workmates live with -use your head
12.Think of this as a true relationship test,corona is the new IKEA divorce lawyers rubbing hands it could save you another 10 years of missionary and rubbish patter

Lastly, seriously,stop buying the toilet paper.This isnt about you, this is about everybody around you, have good intentions and remember there are those less fortunate who are struggling and those risking their lives to save yours . Dont be a dick, save it for later.