NYE is overrated

NYE, the most over-hyped evening of the year. It’s all anyone can talk about in the week following Christmas and it ends up being a little like a sad, fizzled firework that doesn’t quite go off properly. 

I have experienced NYE in both Sydney and Scotland (in which NYE is called Hogmanay –fun fact). While they are called two different things they still have that one same common thread; the massive amount of pressure to enjoy yourself even though everything will cost you around 10 times more than usual and you always wake up feeling worse for wear and much, much poorer.

Here are some of the downfalls that can occur during the so-called “night of the year.”

It’s 12 pm somewhere

Every weekend one your mates will throw that comment out as they spike their orange juice with a generous amount of vodka at 11 am. The problem with this is that on NYE this obscene drinking culture becomes amplified and everyone across your side of the globe is getting shit-faced at the same time, passing out on a bathroom floor at 8 pm with a dick drawn on their head.

I don’t really need to point the issue out here, do I? A myriad of drunkies equals big problems.

The streets V Sydney harbour bridge

As a young gun back home we used to hang about the high street where they had some sort of van with a bunch of randoms (I am sure they were a legit band?!?!) playing instruments while the audience threw glass bottles at each other which then magically turned into hugging the shit out of each other when the clocks hit midnight.

In Sydney, the sentiment is the same except you try and get near the bridge to see the famous fireworks, which in reality means you stand there stone cold sober taking 50 photographs of the sky/people’s heads. Fireworks are always great but the excitement ends pretty quickly when you realise you  ain’t  5-years-old and a bottle of Jack Daniels would have livened that right up.

It’ll be lonely next Christmas

New Year, new drama. Don’t you just love a break up right on the pinnacle of a new dawn. There is nothing like the backdrop of glittery eyeshadow for an ultimate break up panda eye. This is almost guaranteed to happen to one set within your gang. Since it is 2016 there is also the ghosting option, your mate who has been in love with a fuckhuman for the majority of 2016 and finally nails them in a drunken haze, only to find out that he/she is seeing someone else. You can look forward to missing your midnight kiss because you’re too bust wiping snot from your pals chin.

Network error

The other thing about NYE in this day and age is the expectation that you plaster your blurry shots all over social media to prove that you’re having a good time. The truth is that most of us are having a shit time and no flower headband or firework emoji can change that. Don’t post your resolutions on Facebook. Literally no one cares.

Deck the halls (and not your family)

If you are spending your NYE with your family you have the added bonus of a potential brawl. This can start with disagreements over where to go and what to do. You want to be left alone in a dingy pub and they want to go and watch a U2 tribute band. This escalates to the point of public yelling and the subtle mention of the shitty gif that they got you for Xmas  (another Rexona body care pack, thanks). Come the morning all will be well again when someone starts cooking bacon, but it’d be great if we could just avoid this part altogether.

Soooooooo getting fit next year

We all have goals during the year, some we achieve others we don’t. NYE is the beginning of making resolutions to fill you up with life-affirming thoughts and make you feel like next year will be ‘your year’. Whether this is jacking in the job that makes you feel dead behind the eyes or ditch the person you are ‘seeing’ because frankly you want marriage, babies, and replies to your text messages. There is nothing wrong with setting goals and timeframes in life but don’t pressure yourself on NYE, you will wake up feeling exactly the same, nobody is counting on you to make your plans happen.

New year, same bullshit. Enjoy your life one day at a time not just on the evening of the 31st because at 12.01 you are still you, just drunker and more fabulous.

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