Sorry Jean, it’s not you it’s me….
Standing in a Topshop changing room aged 18 trying to squeeze my stomach into some skinny jeans contemplating some sort of diet that will help you lose weight but also potentially shit yourself in public.
This was the start of a new chapter in life, Fall Out Boy are leading the way with man liner and Panic At The Disco a close second. University has kicked off and in amongst the 69p vodka mixers there is a bigger issue- I don’t like jeans and jeans don’t like me.
Now, I am not against all denim, what I am trying to say is that for some people Jeans are like that fuck boy that everybody wants but he just doesn’t suit you no matter how hard you try to dress it up. My discrimination is not just aimed at Jeans, pants in general are a no go, here I will give you some valid reasons why dresses and skirts are better than pants – the gloves are OFF!(or in this case the pants).
*googling heat rash*
We have all been there, that raw red angry rash which for five minutes you contemplate a trip to the gyno then you realise alas your jeans have just given you an extra rub and not in a cute way, queue the slapping of moisturiser and avoiding exercise (ok that is like ONE perk of heat rash) . Side note- if this doesn’t die down maybe stop googling and see an actual health professional.
Pears or Apples
If you are familiar with the apple body shape you will probably understand the frustration when you try and get a pair of pants in a size to fit your extremely sexy belly together with your awesome skinny legs. The usual result is they fit around the stomach and just look like you have massive hips OR cut off the circulation around your stomach and show off your pins. They just do not fit where they are meant too .If you avoid pants there is no need for a double wrap belt or to turn the ends up in a cry of desperation.
Nothing makes you feel like a lady more than wearing a flowing dress, a slinky number or a show stopping skirt. In days gone by women wearing pants could have faced some actual repercussions .For example in Paris, from 7th November 1800 women were forbidden from wearing trousers, this bylaw was only officially scrapped in 2013.The reasoning behind this was women began to seek the right to what would historically have been classed as men’s jobs and wearing trousers. These days most of us have the freedom to wear whichever pleases us whether that is a comfy pair of leggings or being a girly girl once in a while by channelling a bit of T Swift dress style.
Aint nobody got time
The routine of getting ready for an average day is some sort of obstacle course for us females. By the time you drag yourself out of bed, shower, sort you hair, face and the mess you leave in the trail of morning destruction, clothing is another setback. If you are on team pants you may spend an extra five minutes lying on the bed frantically trying to pull your skinny jeans over your calf’s while muttering no more kebabs on the weekend during the stagger home. Team dresses/skirts is a less aggressive affair, just pull it out the wardrobe/pick up off the floor and voilà you look like your life is totally legit together.
Although dresses/skirts are the staple of my wardrobe I cannot deny that there are times where a dress or skirt is not going to cut it. Exhibit A, when the day is exceptionally windy and the risk is half the street will see your underwear before 9am.Exhibit B, those who are exceptionally clumsy and can trip over their own feet (don’t feel bad add that to your resume honestly people need to know) you may end up arse up on the road, this could be acceptable at 3am after a weekend binge but not when you are leaving the supermarket on a Sunday arvo.
As I close my case, it does not matter whether you are a fan of pants or dresses let us all be thankful we have that freedom to choose between the two and look utterly gorgeous regardless.